I live in my world

Have you ever in your whole life, felt like wanted to erase all your thoughts and get a new one.without pain?
Sometimes, I think I need that.
The times when I felt I'm the most useless person on the planet. The times when I felt so alone and nobody cares about me. The times when I felt I was so left out in a group. The times when I know I can do at my best but I did not. The times when I felt so scared with the presents. The times when I need to accept changes. The times when I felt everyone around me were trying to brings me down.
And, most of the time I wish I had a mind that can read others'.

For now, I'm a bit relieved as I just changed something in this and nobody going to know it except my sister. I will tell her sooner or later.

The world is getting to an end but people act like it is not going to. People do realized about that but why it is as if they're not? To be honest, I am afraid when the times comes. Death comes without telling. I am afraid if it's already late for me to repent. Allah, forgive me! Everytime after I perform my prayer, I had my doaa and hoping He is listening. I need His guide. I need Him in my everyday life. I need Him to lead me to a right path. I do hope that He listened to each of my doaa and answer me. Hopefully, one day I will cover my aurat not because people insist me to but because I want and I need to be even more closer to Him. Till then, Assalamualaikum :)